How Naive I Was

To be completely honest with you, ten years ago I had no idea what the impact of September 11, 2001 would be on our nation, our world. I was a Sophomore at Little Rock Lutheran High School; I remember running late to first period and people talking about some explosion (remember, I'm in central time) in the World Trade Center. Honestly, at the time I didn't even realize the "World Trade Center" and the "Twin Towers" were the same. We went through first period fairly normal; it wasn't really until after first period that we all really started realizing the enormity of the situation. I remember getting home from school to see my mom sitting on the bed watching the news. She had not moved since my dad had called her to tell her to turn on the news that morning. I wish I could say that I understood, that I got it; but I didn't - I actually went to my riding lesson that afternoon. It wasn't until the following days, after I heard the "whole story," that it started to dawn on me the impact of September 11, 2001. My little naive 15 year old brain took a several days to comprehend that not only did 2,000 people lose their lives but that several of those lives lost were the terrorists responsible for it all. I didn't understand the whole suicide bomber thing - my world was tiny. My world revolved around Little Rock, my family, my friends and my horse; I didn't believe that such loyal hate could exist. I especially couldn't believe that it would cross the strong threshold of the United States. Looking back, I guess you can say that September 11 was my first glimpse of mortality.

When I watch the documentaries, see the images and hear the voices I feel more fear now than I did ten years ago. I'm ten years older, ten years wiser in the ways of the world, have had ten years of experience with death... Back then I didn't understand why my mom was so pale or why her eyes were shocked as she watched the continued loop of the planes crashing and then of the towers falling. I don't even know if I truly understand it now, but I'm pretty sure my face mirrors that of hers now on the few occasions I watch the news or when one of my friends tell me he is deploying or even when I watch the playbacks of the planes and the towers. Obviously September 11 changed us all and I guess is still in the process of changing us.